Are my hardships a consequence of how I treated my father in the past?

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Question

Assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullah,

When I was growing up, I had a poor relationship with my father. He was not financially well off, and my mother, who was better off, carried most of the household expenses. I used to feel he was stingy and didn’t like to spend, and because of that I developed resentment towards him. In my ignorance as a child, I even told myself that when I grew up, I would not spend on him.

Now, many decades later, I am older and in a similar situation to what he once faced: I have struggled to find a stable job and my wife has been the main breadwinner. Looking back, I regret the way I used to think about my father.

My question is:
Is it correct Islamically to believe that my current struggles might be a form of consequence for the bad thoughts I had about my father when I was young?
If I now ask my father for forgiveness for those thoughts, is it okay to hope that Allah will use that as a means to ease my affairs?

JazakAllahu khayran.

Answer

Alhamdulilah was salatu was Salam ala rasollilah,

1. Distinguishing between thoughts and actions

  • If you expressed your feelings outwardly in words or behavior that were hurtful, then it would be praiseworthy to seek your father’s forgiveness now, and to let him know you see him in a new and positive light. Even a kind word or gesture can heal old wounds and bring hearts closer.
  • If you never expressed those thoughts and they remained only inside, then there is no need to burden him by mentioning the past. Instead, you can seek forgiveness from Allah for what was in your heart, and show your father kindness and respect now. Quietly forgiving him in your own heart and praying for him is also a form of reconciliation.

2. Life’s tests and lessons

It may be that Allah has placed you in a similar situation not as a punishment, but as a mercy, to help you understand your father’s struggles and to soften your view of him. Such experiences are opportunities to develop empathy, humility, and gratitude.

The Prophet ﷺ said:
“The believer is not afflicted by fatigue, illness, anxiety, sorrow, harm, or distress—not even a thorn that pricks him—except that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)

So whatever difficulty you are experiencing now may be a means of forgiveness and elevation with Allah.

3. The spiritual wisdom

Sometimes when we are young, we judge situations without knowing the burdens others carry. As we grow older, Allah allows us to see things from a different perspective. This softening of the heart is itself a mercy and a gift.

Our tradition teaches us to give people excuses and to look at them with compassion, for no one knows the full weight of another’s test. Trials remind us to be gentle with others and with ourselves, and to keep turning back to Allah in humility and hope.

May Allah forgive you, bless your father, strengthen your family ties, and bring ease to your affairs.